The power of "no"

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How do you respond to someone who says no to you? Do you take offence or do you accept the boundary established by the other person?

The power of NO!

Saying no to someone has the power to reveal what is truly in the heart of the other person.

Saying no to someone affects the will of the other. Suddenly the other person cannot just do what he or she wants to. She or he encounters a boundary that demands a response. Will the boundary be met with resistance or with understanding; with selfish ambition or humility; with offence or respect; with conflict or compliance?

Sadly many people don't respond well to no. Instead of seeking to understand why the boundary is established and honouring that boundary, they take offence and will sometimes even leave the relationship.

Mature relationships are built as boundaries are respected

Unfortunately, in many cases, when boundaries are not accepted, the person who set the boundary is considered inconsiderate, unloving and ungracious. The tables are turned and the person who is actually the baddy and who disrespected the boundary, now accuses the person who set the boundary as the baddy! Amazing!

I have seen people walk out of relationships so many times because they were not prepared to respect the boundaries of others. People leave churches, friendships, and marriages rather than honour boundaries and accept no. Instead of respecting no and seeking to understand why the boundary exists, they take offence and accuse the boundary-setter for their choices.

Regardless of whether you think someone shouldn't be setting a boundary, how have you responded to their no in the past? Do you hold a grudge against them? Have you separated yourself from them, emotionally or physically?

What is your response when an authority figure in your life says no to you? Do you respect him or her or do you resent him or her for setting boundaries?

Do an attitude check, next time someone says no to you. What is your response? What does it reveal about you? How do you respond when God says no?

I want to encourage you to think about what boundaries are important to you that you would like others to respect and to examine what boundaries others are putting in place and learn to respect those boundaries.

Can I lose my salvation?

On my bookshelf I have two books written by two prominent Christian writers that deal with the question of whether the believer can lose his salvation. One of them is entitled, "Once saved always saved?" and the other, "Once saved, always saved"- one concluding that one can lose one's salvation and the other that one cannot.

I have discovered in my own life that when I come up with contradictory answers, I am probably asking the wrong question.

Is salvation a ticket to heaven?

Many believers think of salvation as a gift in the form of an object, much like a ticket. They think that because they have prayed "the prayer" that they have received a ticket to heaven. Having this gift means they possess salvation. Consequently they wonder if it's possible to lose their possession or whether it is theirs to keep no matter what. "Can I lose my salvation," they wonder.

First of all, let's have a look at what salvation is.

Salvation.

Salvation means I am saved from something.

"For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." Col. 1:13,14

A drowning man in the ocean is saved from death because he is rescued by someone and taken out of the water. Similarly a believer is saved from death because he is rescued by the Saviour, Jesus Christ, and taken out of the kingdom of darkness.

What "death" is the believer saved from?

"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air." Eph. 2:1,2

When the apostle Paul talks about death, he means spiritual death - separation from God. He says later in his letter to the Ephesian church, "you were seperate from Christ.." (2:12).

The sinner is separated from God and is under the rule and reign of the ruler of the kingdom of darkness. The believer is therefore rescued from the rulership of Satan and from separation from God and placed under the rulership of God and joined to Him.

Salvation is union with God.

The believer is immersed in God and receives the fullness of God.

"If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God." 1 John 4:15

"..he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit." 1 Cor. 6:17

The believer is therefore rescued from the kingdom of darkness and made one with God through Jesus Christ.

What does union with God mean?

Relationship

Union with God means I am joined to God in spirit and therefore belong to Him.

"You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus." Gal. 3:26

Union with God means my relationship to God is changed. I am no longer my own but am born again as a new creation and as God's own offspring. My union with God therefore means I am adopted as God's son and He is now my Father.

"..you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children." Rom. 8:15,16

Intimacy

As a son, I now have access to the Father's presence through Jesus and can draw near to Him in true intimacy and fellowship.

"For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit." Eph. 2:18

The believer receives encouragement from being united to God and having communion or fellowship with God through Jesus.

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit.." Phil. 2:1

Salvation is relationship.

Clearly then, salvation is not an object like a ticket that we can possess or lose, but a relationship with the living God through Jesus Christ.

Lost?

The story of the prodigal son in Luke 15 is a wonderful description of the believer's relationship to the Father. Both the younger son and the older son are sons (relationship). The sons belong to the father just as the lost sheep (Luke 15:6) and the lost coin (Luke 15:9) belonged to their owners. However the story reveals two ways the believer can forfeit the intimacy he can have with the Father by either sinning against Him or trying to earn His love.

When the believer sins, he tends to run from God thinking that he is responsible for breaking his relationship with God and needs to confess and repent before God will love him again. Sin does not break relationship but it does break intimacy with God. The son that sinned remained the father's son but he became distant as he forfeited the intimacy he could have kept with his father. The older son forfeited the intimacy with his father by trying to earn the father's love. So many Christians live under constant condemnation, believing that their sin separates them from God, relationally instead of understanding that it is their intimacy with the Father that is affected by sin.

God loved us even before we became His children!

"God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Rom. 5:8

Draw near!

As a father of two sons, I know what it is to love my children unconditionally. They will always be my sons (relationship) and I will always love them unconditionally. However, they are as close to me (intimacy) as they choose to be.

God calls us to draw near to Him to know His love for us.

"Come near to God and he will come near to you." James 4:8

"..let us draw near to God.." Hebrews 10:22

Remain in Him

As sons of God we are called not only to draw near to God but also to remain in Him. It's as we live holy lives and not forfeiting our privilege of intimacy with God that we produce lasting fruit (see John 15).

Children of God are called to remain in Him and continue to grow in Him. When we sin, God wants us to run to Him and not from Him.


"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16


Can the believer break his relationship with God?

Can a husband break his relationship with his wife? Can a son disown his father?

Can I lose my salvation?

So we can see that to ask, "Can I lose my salvation?" is the wrong question and reveals a wrong understanding of what salvation is. We should rather ask, "Can I break my relationship with God?"

Understanding the difference between our relationship to God and and intimacy with God helps us enjoy the Father's love and all that He has for His children. The Father says to us,

"My son, you are always with me and everything I have is yours." Luke 15:31

If you think you have "lost your salvation" I want to encourage you as a child of God to run to the Father. Nothing can separate you from His love (Rom. 8:37-39). While you were far away the Father saw you and was filled with compassion. He runs toward you as you run toward Him. And when you meet at the throne of grace and mercy, the Father will throw His arms around you and kiss you (Luke 15:20). The Father wants you to restore your intimacy with Him today. Draw near to Him, child of God.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us,

that we should be called children of God!" 1 John 3:1

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